No Man is an Island is a title of a poem by John Donne, an English writer, who wrote this well-liked verse around 1600. The first verse sums up an important part of life:
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
But, judging from the divorce rate in the US (50%) and in Sweden (55%), we have trouble in maintaining healthy relationships. And yet, as Donne points out, we are all connected with each other. Scientists know that those in the single life don’t live as long as those who are married. LifeNuts know this, too, and try to keep their relationships vibrant and happy, which is not always
easy. Here are a few hints at successful relationships both at home and in the workplace.
Choose your battles wisely. A great little book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, uses its title to point out that most of the battles waged are indeed small stuff. So why wage them? Count to ten; figure if an argument is worth it (which is seldom the case); and then decide.
Listen. Too many times we’re focused on what we want to say, rather than what is being said to
us. Extroverts especially have trouble with this. Yet, effective two-way communication is crucial both at work and at home. Listen well and pay attention to not only the words but the body language of the speaker.
Forgiveness. Sometimes I think we are still a primitive species. If we are hurt, we often want to retaliate and strike back. The Middle East and Africa are good examples of this constant fighting. Yet, forgiveness is the first step in healing. It’s not always easy to forgive and it requires broad shoulders but its benefits are immense.
Solve the problem. Rather than focusing on your own needs, step outside the box and look at
solutions. Pretend you’re a third party and offer unbiased ideas. Brainstorm and offer solutions that aren’t totally to your benefit.
Be the first to tackle the problem. Often, if there is an argument, both sides go back to their
corners to huddle, neither side wanting to step back into the ring. It seems like a sign of weakness to be the first to apologize or to try to make up, but in fact it isn’t. Rather it’s a sign of strength and a good self-image. So don’t be afraid to be the first one.
How bad is this anyway? I read books on the Holocaust continuously. When I finish one, I start
another. No, I am not obsessed with this dark period in WWII but instead I find that it helps me to put life events into perspective. Understanding what the millions of Holocaust prisoners suffered and knowing the pain, both physical and mental, that they endured daily helps me to realize that perhaps my own trials aren’t really that bad.
Start each day on a positive note and decide that this day will be wonderful. If two can share this daily journey, dealing with setbacks becomes easier than dealing with them, alone. Remember, no man is an island.
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